So this morning I got a little arts and crafty. I wanted to see what I’d look like healthier. Being able to SEE a guesstimate of where I’m going. A visual atlas if I succeed. I want this so bad. I want to be able to feel alive and know that because of this, I will live.
This thanksgiving was a bittersweet holiday, being that it’s my first thanksgiving without mom. I convinced my grandparents, my dad, my siblings and their significant others and my aunt and my cousin to come visit and see my new home for the first time. In a way, by them seeing it, it’s almost… just a little like my mom is seeing it. Each one of them has something of my mother and now that she’s gone, I see those tiny bright qualities shine like supernovas. My grandmother’s kindness and warmth, her eyes… my grandfather’s brilliance and startling intelligence, not to mention his height. my dad with the love they shared for one another and the love for their children. My sister and brother, their stubbornness, their spirit and loyalty. lastly my little sister who has the closest, most vivid reflection of our mother, her hair, her gestures,… and her smile. It was bittersweet for us because of the absence of mom’s laughter, and how it would light up her eyes. She was on many occasions referred to the proverbial glue that held us together. Even now, she holds us together. Thanksgiving was wonderful… and somehow, no matter how separate our lives have gotten, we came together as we always have but better. In a way, I miss her so much more now that ever. I wish she could have seen us… getting along, being a family without being forced to “play nice” as I’ve heard so many times over the years by mom. There was sincerity and a simple truth of being grateful that we have one another. I miss them all already and I can’t wait until Christmas gets here so I can be with them again.<3