Waking up today took monumental effort. But I did it. Something small… nonsense efforts. Things we take for granted merely because it’s something we do day in, day out.
Every night each of us on this blue and green marble goes to bed with the hope we wake up tomorrow. Another chance to right the wrongs we’ve caused, a chance to do impossible things, or to continue onto the mundane.
I find myself rambling this morning. Probably from lack of caffeine. Let me get back to my purpose of today’s post. Intent.
This past weekend, I did something sans prompting and out of character for me.
While everyone else slept in, I got up early, climbed onto my treadmill and put in my penance. I plugged my phone into the speaker system, queued up my fave latin music and kept my stride in time with the beat.
And I was at peace. Sweaty, but at peace with myself and the world. All my personal demons get lulled into silence until all I can hear is the music and the thuds of the downbeat of my walkers.
As my legs burn with the production of lactic acid in my muscles, a million thoughts process and filter in the early morning hours but the only thing heard is my pandora app playing my heartsong and my use of the treadmill, with it being the uneasy measured breathing from earnest efforts to erase years of mistakes from my physical form.
Now you may not give two shites about what I’m thinking during this self imposed therapy with myself, but you’re reading a window into my life, so… here goes.
“Each step I take adds a micro second of life I didn’t have from inactivity. I can do this… 10 more minutes. It is 10 left right? 18?! Seriously?? Ugh, fine, 18 minutes. I got this. Breathe Cat… Don’t forget to breathe. Oh! 17 1/2 minutes. Really getting somewhere there speedy. Keep going Cat.. One step at a time. Holy geesh my calves are feeling it. Should I add an incline to this? I wonder if that denim skirt’s gonna fit me by the end of the month? Omg, I’ve got so much crap to do today. Whoa! Yup, not ready for the incline yet. Note to self, look at the button when you’re adding to the incline. Dumbdumb. Fun. dry mouth. How much time do I have left? 5 more minutes, atta girl, you got this….”
Sadly my personal commentary at the time never sounds this cheeky or entertaining in my own head when I’m slaving away to the treadmill. But I think I like getting up early, having the house to myself so no one else can witness me, the sweaty mess on the treads as she tries to sort out the mess she’s made out of herself. This might have to become a thing.
Even slow progress is better than no progress. I didn’t get on the treadmill this morning but tonight I’ll get on that. Now… where’s my coffee…