Aimless

Having a rough couple of days leading up to mother’s day as usual. I spent all evening last night binge watching Lost Girl on netflix, with the frequent splicing of random crying fests.

I miss my best friends terribly. My mom and my grandmother. Within two years, two generations of sage wisdom, experience and humor lost to the grim reaper. Two lifetimes.

I’m exhausted. Worn thin. My patience evaporated like so much boiled water under the pressure of the world. Everywhere I turn I’m either reminded how I’m not good enough, not trying enough, or how much loss I’ve gone through that will always be present in my life.

I try to make my posts cheerful, at least I’ve been trying to since the start of my journey. But let’s get real here. Blogs are a sort of narcissism, feeding our egos so the world sees us. Someone witnesses your work, effort or pain. All depends on what your blog is for. Today, there is no cheer. Nothing to inspire the masses by. Today I’m just surviving. I’m just trying to live til after sunday.

I’m hurting and there are times I just want to give up.

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