Hello my old Friend…

Spyda, when you get back to reading your archives, I hope you read this one the most.

There are going to be days you hate yourself. Days when you look in the mirror, all that screams at you is that you are a failure. You are an accumulation of a life lived poorly. That you are a dull boring existence with nothing to offer the world. That you are a tired, empty husk, beaten raw by disappointment.

You are none of those things. You… are brilliant. You are creative. You have stunning blue grey eyes that has been described as piercing. You have lived life in the best way you could at the time and you yearn to improve.  I will be honest with you Spyda, it’s hard as hell for me to put this out here because I’m feeling every inch of that “failure” right now.

Mother’s day is coming up this weekend. Mom and Gran are gone, been 3 years for mom, 2 for gran now. I know we’re not at our goal yet and we’ve suffered some set backs. Please don’t give up. For me now… and for you – when ever it is that you’ve come to visit me because you’re needing a boost.  Mom and Gran would be so proud of us, for even the little way we’ve come.

Get back on that Treadmill. Keep telling yourself why we’re doing this. Know that you- simply put- are LOVED. You aren’t alone and when you feel the most isolated, all you need to do is reach out your hand and ask for help. There’s nothing wrong with asking for that help. Make a push pin board and let’s hang it by your treadmill. It’s too easy to sit down and avoid the fight ahead. We are mighty. We are fighters who yearn to look in that mirror and see us for as we are, not our mistakes, our missed opportunities. No one else sees us that way, why do we?? Our lovers, our heroes, our friends, our peers… We surround ourselves in good people who love and adore us as we are, even when we feel our worst. Don’t be afraid to grasp life and stand in the ring. We may falter but at least we’re fighting.


Keep going Spydacat. Our lives depend on it.


I needed this…

I needed this…

whereas I don’t meet the mindset from a religious standpoint, I badly needed to read this from Holly’s blog today.

The past couple of days have been a huge set back for me. I just haven’t had the motivation that was carrying me a couple of days ago…

Where did my steam go?

But I’m not going to let it get to me. Yeah, I goofed up. I dropped the ball. But instead of wallowing in guilt and carbohydrates, I’ve got to pick that ball back up and get moving. I owe it to myself to get back into the game. I owe it to my family. I owe it to the woman who gave me life.

Just because I had a set back doesn’t mean I can just give up because I’m never going to get there…”

That mentality got me right where I’m at.

Thank you Holly for reminding me that I’m worth fighting for.